That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
