lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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