I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
