Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
