I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
