just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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