She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
