a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
