im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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