Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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