You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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