Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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