I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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