well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
