So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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