***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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