i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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