Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
