You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so let's talk penis.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
