matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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