I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
