you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize