I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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