I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize