the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
