I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
