First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
