dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
not ubering you a puppy
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
