EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
