I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
my liver is dry heaving
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
