im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
