i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
