Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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