the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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