i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
