Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
