Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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