I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize