Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
