I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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