lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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