i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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