grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize