Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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