I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's just like the Real World with babies
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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