It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize