Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
