I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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