I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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