I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
