Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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