after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
