Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
