Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
