he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
