There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
