I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
