i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize