My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
