I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
