dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
