Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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